Wanna hear some Funny In Flight Announcements?
1. "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses." 2. "Last one off the plane must clean it." 3. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride." 4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. Whoa!" 5. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted." 6. From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with two small children, decide now which one you love more." 7. "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you or your money more than Southwest Airlines." 8. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. In the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments." 9. From a Southwest Airlines employee: "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only four ways out of this airplane." 10. Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land. It's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern." 11. From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately none of them are on this flight." 12. This was overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the flight attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!" 13. Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal." 14. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a, "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, did we land or were we shot down?" 15. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the flight attendant got on the PA and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal." 16. Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."
Jokes & Riddles - 8 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Nice ;)
2 :
These are funny. My uncle is a pilot for Delta so I especially enjoyed #3.
3 :
Chuck Norris
4 :
Ha-ha very funny, #15 is great! Nice post Man/ Woman ha-ha.
5 :
17- this is a supersonic concorde, during take off , first row passengers not allowed to talk rude to their seat mate... there maybe kids in last row...!. 18- during take off no kids allowed in co pilots seat. 19- in emergency cases flight attendance plz grab life jackets in compartments above passengers heads. 20- if we land an emergency landing in the desert..plz dont take pics of the pyramids and dont pay the camel owners more than 2$ a ride... 21- we are entering rough turbulence plz UNfasten seat belts so u can float freely without any stomach pressure..(not the appropriate time for gas) !! 22- during landing NO hostesses alowed on pilots lap. 23- after complete stop and opening of doors plz stand in cue then exit the plane then desend steps slowly then enter tubes in one line then take off oxygen masks...thank you.
6 :
Hi your Majesty What can i say can i fly you to the moon ...he he he ...xxx
7 :
I'll have to keep this list as laughs for the next time i go flying through the skies. People who don't believe in GOD has never been in an airplane when an engine is starting to have trouble. lol I have and it's not a experience i ever wish to repeat.
8 :
A friend of mine had this experience. The old Stapleton airport in Denver was a hard place to land because of the winds in the mountains. My friend said that when landing there, in bad weather, the plane hit the ground and bounced back in the to come down hard again. When the plane was on the ground and taxing to the terminal the pilot came on with this comment "Ladies and gentlemen we have just landed at Denver's Stapleton airport, twice."
